Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
