nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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