I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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