I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
