A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
