No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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