Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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