i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You are a genius and a whore.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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