just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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