You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Houston, we have a squirter
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
