I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize