I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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