Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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