Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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