New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
