I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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