This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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