I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
