Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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