just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
