overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
