Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
