There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
