saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
