Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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