i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
