she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
