can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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