fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
