they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
