Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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