Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize