I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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