Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
