I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
