life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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