My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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