He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
