The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
