so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
