we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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