so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Its about making memories worth repressing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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