Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
