fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
