I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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