I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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