She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
