She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
