My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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