i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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