Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
