your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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