I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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