were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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