I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
