you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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