Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
