you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
