I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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