I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
