Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
