so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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