wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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