Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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