I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
