i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
