Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she peed on how many people?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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