I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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