just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
