Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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