Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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