I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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