woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
